You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
