Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
