They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
