You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
