just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
