To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
