I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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