i don't like sucking hair
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
