I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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