just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
