I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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