Will you blow on my dice?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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