Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
