Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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