saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
