apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
