My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize