Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
