We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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