Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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