just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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