Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
