I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
