i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
