I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
