Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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