I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
