she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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