i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
