how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
