I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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