Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
