his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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