Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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