So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
