.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
