i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
