Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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