Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
