I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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