I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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