checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
