She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
