glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
