Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
