Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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