I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
there is another microwave in the elevator.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
