I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize