Where did you get a picture of my penis
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
