It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My vagina is officially offended.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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