I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
