i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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