I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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