your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
