3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
