tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
