she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
