i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
