You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
