my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
