dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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