he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
