Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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