what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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