need another drink. this is the easiest way
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I want her autograph on my taint
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
