Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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