This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
