I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
